Cross the Line

We're giving in to lust, I'm gonna get sussed out
We're breaking all the trust, I deserve to get cussed out now

After this weekend, I don't really know what to think. Going away for an innocent weekend away with a friend turned out differently than I expected.

There were old friends around, new friends to be made but instead, I crossed the line with my friend. Alcohol was definitely involved which just makes me question our intentions. Was this a long time coming or was this just an opportunity that wasn't missed? Who exactly took advantage of the other? Whenever I'm with someone, I live for the moment. I take everything that is happening as an experience and relish in the sexual pleasure.

Unfortunately, my mind was hazy and we were so erratic that this time was the first time that I wasn't in the moment. I was reliving a different night and was imagining someone else there with me. It was someone else's lips kissing my body, someone else's touch.

In the morning light, I was able to see a little more clearly. The person I woke up next to was a dear friend and I was not sure what to think. Did I say the wrong things the night before? Did he know that I was fantasizing about another? Did he read something into it? Did he notice that I didn't get off and so what if he did?

Where do we take things from here? I am clearly not interested in him and I assume the same from him. This sparked something unlikely from me, I called the person that he reminded me of that same day. I told him I missed him. We talked all day and then saw each other that night. It was the funniest thing of all to think that I missed my relationship with him and realize I really just missed the sex. So very me...