We're giving in to lust, I'm gonna get sussed out
We're breaking all the trust, I deserve to get cussed out now
After this weekend, I don't really know what to think. Going away for an innocent weekend away with a friend turned out differently than I expected.
There were old friends around, new friends to be made but instead, I crossed the line with my friend. Alcohol was definitely involved which just makes me question our intentions. Was this a long time coming or was this just an opportunity that wasn't missed? Who exactly took advantage of the other? Whenever I'm with someone, I live for the moment. I take everything that is happening as an experience and relish in the sexual pleasure.
Unfortunately, my mind was hazy and we were so erratic that this time was the first time that I wasn't in the moment. I was reliving a different night and was imagining someone else there with me. It was someone else's lips kissing my body, someone else's touch.
In the morning light, I was able to see a little more clearly. The person I woke up next to was a dear friend and I was not sure what to think. Did I say the wrong things the night before? Did he know that I was fantasizing about another? Did he read something into it? Did he notice that I didn't get off and so what if he did?
Where do we take things from here? I am clearly not interested in him and I assume the same from him. This sparked something unlikely from me, I called the person that he reminded me of that same day. I told him I missed him. We talked all day and then saw each other that night. It was the funniest thing of all to think that I missed my relationship with him and realize I really just missed the sex. So very me...
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Sunday, April 6, 2008
The Boy with No Name
It has been some time since I've last written. It's hard to believe. Well, since there seems to be no new tales of my life since the last time I wrote here months ago, I must clarify that the boy with no name is NOT the boy from months ago I wrote about from my wild night. That was a good night, I suppose.
This boy was boy at party. I am used to being the girl that is hated by her friends' girlfriends. I am not sure what it is. I have one friend whose girlfriend likes me (yes, there is one). That's a sad fact but it's true. My friends' best guess is that I am that intimidating to other girls because I have a great relationship with my friends. I have also been told I have abnormal friendships with the men in my life. I beg to differ but I digress...
A birthday celebration and a weekend away is the scene of this story. I was one of the first few guests but as people started showing up, I realized this party was starting to fill up with twosomes. Couples were everywhere and I, single girl, was searching for a place to fit in. I of course had my friends but I like to mingle. Needless to say, not many of the girls there liked my mingling. I am not trying to be cute when I say mingle and cover up flirting because I wasn't. It was clear that these people were happy and I was not looking to change that. Every time I talked to a guy, their girlfriends were quick to whisk them away. All except one...
In a room full of random souls in this world, I met him. We talked for hours about the world, society, work and life (movies and tv too, it wasn't all serious). When we finally got around to the conversation of careers, his girlfriend came to join the conversation. Only she didn't pull him away. This was one of the first conversations that I have been able to have and discuss my change in careers so easily. For those who know me, it's nothing new. I have just been sidetracked by this thing we call life. Well, he was the first person to know what I was talking about without explanation. That was truly refreshing because it just sparked other ideas. But what I will remember him for... knowing me only a few hours, he was the first person to say "when you get in to school'' and not if. His girlfriend also mentioned that I seemed like the perfect fit because I was so personable and outgoing. He was just so certain about it. I was able to respond so positively almost as if these things were already happening. I don't remember the last time I felt so sure about my life.
But to the boy with no name, thank you. You gave the me the belief that things will fall into place for me, without even knowing me. Seems like I got my own present that night...
This boy was boy at party. I am used to being the girl that is hated by her friends' girlfriends. I am not sure what it is. I have one friend whose girlfriend likes me (yes, there is one). That's a sad fact but it's true. My friends' best guess is that I am that intimidating to other girls because I have a great relationship with my friends. I have also been told I have abnormal friendships with the men in my life. I beg to differ but I digress...
A birthday celebration and a weekend away is the scene of this story. I was one of the first few guests but as people started showing up, I realized this party was starting to fill up with twosomes. Couples were everywhere and I, single girl, was searching for a place to fit in. I of course had my friends but I like to mingle. Needless to say, not many of the girls there liked my mingling. I am not trying to be cute when I say mingle and cover up flirting because I wasn't. It was clear that these people were happy and I was not looking to change that. Every time I talked to a guy, their girlfriends were quick to whisk them away. All except one...
In a room full of random souls in this world, I met him. We talked for hours about the world, society, work and life (movies and tv too, it wasn't all serious). When we finally got around to the conversation of careers, his girlfriend came to join the conversation. Only she didn't pull him away. This was one of the first conversations that I have been able to have and discuss my change in careers so easily. For those who know me, it's nothing new. I have just been sidetracked by this thing we call life. Well, he was the first person to know what I was talking about without explanation. That was truly refreshing because it just sparked other ideas. But what I will remember him for... knowing me only a few hours, he was the first person to say "when you get in to school'' and not if. His girlfriend also mentioned that I seemed like the perfect fit because I was so personable and outgoing. He was just so certain about it. I was able to respond so positively almost as if these things were already happening. I don't remember the last time I felt so sure about my life.
But to the boy with no name, thank you. You gave the me the belief that things will fall into place for me, without even knowing me. Seems like I got my own present that night...
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